I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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