Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
