best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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