lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
