I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
