What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
