You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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