it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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