So drunk its hurt
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
