she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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