Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
