every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We need to get me chipped asap
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
