That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
false alarm. still invincible.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
