I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
