I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
