I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
