was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
