Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
