did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
