Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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