I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
