we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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