okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
