oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we made out on top of his cat.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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