apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
