dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently you make a good broom.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
