Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
