My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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