chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
