gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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