have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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