Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
