Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
