I feel like abortions should bother me more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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