1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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