He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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