Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
