Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
