Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
