A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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