i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Alive.
So much puke
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
