No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
