you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
