dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
