we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
