stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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