Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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