I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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