I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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