I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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